A Timeline - How Appropriate on My Birthday

In honor of my birthday, my favorite day of the year - I've decided to borrow from both Jacynth and Sandra a post idea.  I give you a timeline - 29 years of milestones in a single post.  How's that for perspective?

Happy Birthday Neil, I'm honored to share the day with you and Acadamy Award Winner Rachel Weisz.

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1977 – After my older sister botched things up by getting herself all tangled up in her cord, the doctors decided to take me via c-section. Nice and planned just the way I like things. I’m sure my mom took comfort in knowing exactly when I would come months in advance. I have to inherit this planning gene from someone right?

1978 – I have lovingly taken on the nickname of “Uncle Fester” due to the fact that I am completely bald and always smiling. I’ve also taken to having my morning bowl movement as soon as we enter church on Sunday mornings. To my parent’s delight those around them curiously wonder why I am grunting and turning bright red – which is no doubt even more pronounced by my paper thin white skin and bald head.

1979 – My older sister and I share a bedroom and a bed for that matter. I like to get into bed first, when my sister climbs in I pretend I am sleeping and put my cold feet all over her just to annoy her. It’s one of my favorite things to do. We wear matching Strawberry Shortcake nightgowns and pretend we’re Solid Gold Dancers on Saturday mornings before my parents wake up by sticking our underwear in our butt cracks like thongs and hiking our nightgowns up and through the neck to make tiny little Daisy Duke shirts. We aren’t allowed to watch Solid Gold, I wonder why.

1980 – My parents decide to have another child, when my older sister and I are asked what we would like to call the new baby my older sister says “Mildew” and I say “Sweater”. To our disappointment neither of these names are chosen, our baby sister is named Andra but we take to calling her “Muffy” (I have no clue why).

1981 – Ok, so this time my parents don’t actually DECIDE to have a baby, it just kind of happens. They really are quite happy though when it ends up being a boy. Being the middle child I (of course) am not dealing well with the family expanding and my grandparents decide to take me to Florida to visit my great grandparents. While we are there I go in the ocean for the first time, but when my grandfather points out a jelly fish, I don’t set a toe in the ocean again (for years). My great grandparents take me to a toy store and tell me I can pick out anything I want – I choose a gumball machine which requires me to put a penny in it whenever I want a piece of gum (Lucky!).

1982 – I start Kindergarten with Mrs. Kool who is even cooler because she has the same birthday as me (and Neil). On the way into the class room I meet my bestest friend ever for the very first time. I throw a fit when we are given our seating assignments and I’m not sitting next to her. I sit in the coat closet and pout until my mom comes to get me.

1983 – I walk to school each morning with my older sister, she gets frustrated that I don’t walk fast enough and makes me run so we aren’t late – I fall, landing on my thumb and fracture it. When my mom comes to get me she tells me I’ll need to have a X-ray, which in my head I confuse with surgery and I freak out. I get a cast, strawberry ice cream and lots of gifts but I never let my sister live this down (to this day).

1984 – I am in Brownies and my mom is my troop leader. My favorite part is when we do crafts and sing songs. We take camping trips and all of my favorite friends are there. Bonus that my mom is with me and I don’t have to freak out about being away from home without her, double bonus that my siblings aren’t with me and I can get one-on-one attention from my mom (see: Middle Child Syndrome).

1985 – I am in 3rd grade and my two best friends are in the same class with me. We have Ms. Cherry and she’s great. Jovan, Patty and I are inseparable on the playground and all of the boys like Jovan which makes me jealous. Ms. Cherry tells Jovan she can tell she’s a dancer because she’s so graceful and I’m jealous of that too. I still, to this day strive for grace to no avail.

1986 – My parents move us to Royal Oak (just a city over). I start the 4^th grade in a new school. I get my first “boyfriend” and he takes the role very seriously. He begins to bring me boxes of chocolate covered cherries and shoves money at me every time I see him. I start to feel dirty and decide to break up with him.

1987 – One boy in my 5^th grade class decides to spend his entire recess chasing me on the playground. I get a good workout running away from him (when he catches up to me he tries to kiss me which totally grosses me out) and eventually my teacher comes to me and tells me that I have his permission to kick said boy in the balls if he does it again. He doesn’t but I secretly wish he would so I could kick him in the balls without getting into trouble. 

1988 – My teacher is kind of nuts and throws a pair of scissors across the room at one of the students. I’ve started to play the Clarinet but don’t want to continue to play in Junior High. When my parents make me practice I play it as horribly as possible so they’ll make me stop. They never do, they must have caught on to my plan. Foiled again.

1989 – The neighborhood boy who does our local paper route moves so his job frees up and I snatch it. I deliver papers which gets tiresome pretty quickly. My parents get me a gerbil which I name Spunky and I find him dead in his cage one day after school. We bury him in the backyard complete with a headstone (he’s still there).

1990 – I start my period while in choir and call my mom from school to tell her. She is at work and announces to all of her co-workers, while I am still on the phone, that I have become a woman. I get home from school to find that my parents have sent me flowers. The card reads “You So Precious For Us” and I can only assume that they didn’t write the card themselves. A few years later my younger sister gets flowers from my parents and we all know exactly why.

1991 – I have my first “serious” boyfriend, we started dating at the end of 8^th grade and we continue to date all summer. We ride our bikes to meet up or our parents drop us off at the mall, movies etc… it’s all very serious. I feel good about going into my freshman year of high school with a boyfriend but once I get there, I realize having a boyfriend when there are so many new boys to be interested in is pretty dumb. I promptly break up with him.

1992 – I’m on the tennis team and enjoying my first year of high school (braces and all) my sister is a senior and is “hot” and “popular”, she’s on student government etc… so I’m called “Little Szarek” for most of the year and I blush when the senior boys who are friends with my sister pay attention to me. I develop my share of crushes on the upper class boys – one in particular who approaches me at a dance and becomes the reason I meet Sandra.

1993 – I try out for Dance Club for my second time, still no dice. I get a black leather motorcycle jacket for Christmas and I think I’m tough, especially when I wear it with my plaid school girls’ skirt. I start hanging out with a shadier crowd but still manage to be a pretty good kid.  I get my license and drive a big full size van. My friends dub it “Big Red”. I have a boyfriend who is not very nice to me, one weekend we are at a party and I’ve drank a bit too much, I’m sitting on his lap and when I turn to say something to him, I vomit all over him. I still think he deserved it.

1994 – After trying out for Dance Club for the third time, I figure out that it is probably not my thing. I submerge myself in my art and find that art is exactly what I need. I feel content and at peace for finding my niche. That summer I attend a two week art camp at a local art school and find out just how much art fills my soul. I had never been that happy in my life up until those two weeks.

1995 – I’m a senior and I have a 26 year old boyfriend. I’m excited to graduate but refuse to take a 26 year old to my prom, instead I take a junior, my boyfriend buys us beer and I have to get up at 7am the next day to take my date to the A.C.T. test. I attend my first rave and get my first tattoo. I experience Detroit, down and dirty, and fall in love with the city that has been right there all along. I grow, and heal and develop emotionally in ways completely new to me. I fall in love, hard, for the first time.

1996 – I start my first year at a private Christian college that is made up of primarily the Dutch. They drive around with bumper stickers that say “If You Ain’t Dutch, You Ain’t Much”. I struggle to fit in to such a conservative city and school. I try my hand at long distance dating which doesn’t help with trying to fit in due to the fact that I’m either back in Detroit every weekend or my boyfriend is visiting me. My roommates and I all end up dealing with huge things at the same time, the four of us end up seeing the same school therapist weekly. I find it kind of funny that we’re all so screwed up.

1997 – I go to Vancouver for a week over the summer to visit one of my friends from school. I get my last two tattoos while I’m there and my dad responds with “oh well, I guess everyone needs a liberal child”. The day after I get home from Vancouver my dog is attacked by another dog. Her neck is broken in front of me and she dies at the vet. I plot ways to poison the dog that attacked her for the next few days… anti-freeze in the water? (side note: A few months later the dog attacks another small dog without warning and the owner finally puts him down)

1998 – I decide to move to Chicago which turns out to be a not so good decision. When I move home my mom puts me on a plane to Nashville to visit my aunt and regroup a bit. We drive to the country and stay with her friend who owns a pig sanctuary. She takes in pot bellied pigs who were abandoned after they got too big for their owners. I help her on the farm for a couple days and enjoy the peacefulness of it all. The pigs are affectionate and have mannerisms just like dogs. One, named Jasper, sleeps next to her bed every night. Yes, I worked on a pig farm, and I have pictures to prove it.

1999 – I begin working for the family business while I figure out where I want to go to school, what I want to do with my life etc… I start off doing small jobs, painting the lobby, filing, organizing and eventually create my own position there. I decide to focus on a career and put school on hold. I move out of parent’s house and into an apartment in Ferndale where I start to create a life for myself. I meet my friends Liz and Jen and enjoy living it up as a single girl in her 20’s.

2000 – I take my first trip to Europe to visit my friend Paul in Zuerich. We drive from Zuerich to Florence, then Venice, back to Switzerland to Engelberg and Lucerne before heading back to Zuerich. It is an amazing first time trip to Europe, as I fly back into Detroit I quietly ponder why I don’t live in the Alps, it just doesn't seem to make any sense to me (for months after my trip, I will break into tears when I see pictures of Florence).  I move out of my apartment and into a house in Ferndale.

2001 – Lucy Lu comes into my life at just 7 weeks old.  She is the ultimate birthday gift from my parents, she walks around like she owns the place just like a Lucy should.   My parents adopt her brother and while watching both puppies for a weekend I trip over them and fracture my foot, therefore I am watching two 8-9 week old puppies on crutches.  I meet and begin dating a man I believe I will spend my life with.

2002 – My nephew is born and the whole world looks different.  I never knew I could love someone so much and it is humbling.  The man I thought I would marry and I break up and I'm shattered.  The rest of the year is spent healing and rebuilding.  This break up ends up being the best thing that could have happened for me, but note that I am saying this 4 years later.  The heartache is devastating when I am in the thick of it, but I am stronger for it.

2003 – I quit my job at the family business and take a job a large art gallery in the area.  I feel the need to prove to myself that I can succeed on my own merits.  It's a rewarding and interesting experience from me, but after a year I realize that I am underpaid and way over stressed.  I am trying to finish school while working for a company who do not follow the same code of conduct or morals that I do.  I decide to go back to the family business while I finish my degree.  It turns out to be one of the best decisions I've made.  I'm glad that I've tried out a different job, but glad to be back where I'm appreciated and where I can breathe.

2004 – In an attempt to dive into the dating world once more, I go on a dating spree.  I decide to date, and to date well, and I meet loads of notable characters.  I learn a lot about myself, gain back some of my lost self-esteem and figure out what I want in a relationship.  I also make a firm commitment not to settle, and I don't.  I make some fabulous friends from the experience and my faith in men is renewed.  There are wonderful, wonderful men out there - I realize that just because they aren't perfect for me, doesn't mean they aren't perfect.  This is a valuable lesson for me.

2005 – I start a blog!  My baby sister marries a wonderful man and he steals her away to Chicago.  After the dating spree I take a dating break.  When I least expect it, I meet the person who will change me forever and when putting all of the pieces together, realize he was always there, in some capacity.  Evan is my heartbeat, my best friend, my great love - I can't remember what life was like before him.  It wasn't good, I know that!  My brother moves back to Michigan from N. Carolina and becomes my roommate.  I go back to school full time and set a personal goal to graduate by the time I'm 30.  I train for and participate in the 30th Marine Corps Marathon in Washington DC (and then cannot walk for 2 weeks).

2006 - Will bring me a new niece or nephew, a new sister-in-law, a trip to Rome and countless other adventures.  I have fantastic friends and a wonderful job.  I'm happy and in love and excited to see what the future holds.  I'm enjoying this journey that is life.  This is my last year in my 20's and I intend to make the most of it!

Comments

[Jen]

love the timeline. it made me laugh cause majority of it seemed "middle child syndrom" like...I tried for this, I sucked at that, my sister made me fall. But then it all redeems itself. Love what you wrote for 2006. Cheer's to you!!!

[Bill]

I would say happy birthday but Sizzle used them all up ... wait, how was I able to write that? Looks like there are few left, so ... Happy Birthday!

(Can you really remember what years things happen in, or are you just guessing? I can't even remember what season they happen in.)

[Neil]

Happy birthday, Alissa. Despite our differences over the Sound of Music, I still love you and your blog. Here's to the power of Pisces!

[Wild Bill]

Happy Birthday Alissa! Here's a birthday post just for you.

[Jacynth]

Happy birthday! Can't wait to see you this weekend!

[Alissa]

Wow! So many wonderful birthday wishes!

Sandra - Thank You! (29 times) I can't wait to see you this weekend!

Sizz - I can't believe you and your sister share the same memory as my sister and I. I'm calling her right now to tell her! I can't wait to meet you this weekend and find out all of the other millions of details that make us soul internet sisters.

Evan - Thanks baby :)

Mom - Thank you for having me! You are the center of my world.

Kevin - I have NO idea why that would make you laugh.

Kerri - I am touched. I miss you!

Egan - Merci.

Jen M. - Thank you for the birthday wishes! I heard you had a great birthday celebration this year as well! Solid Gold Rocks!

[Jen]

Happy Birthday, Alissa. I love your blog. I'm a faithful fan.
P.S. I adore Solid Gold. Wasn't Marilyn McCoo the greatest?

[egan]

Bonne anniversaire Alissa! Congrats on 29! It sounds like you have some great people that love you. Have a super Tuesday!

[Kerri]

In honor of your birthday, 29 reasons I love you so very much (in list form since you LOVE that):
1. You are amazingly creative
2. You have a beautiful spirit
3. You love
4. You love good wine
5. You love to share good wine with ME!
6. You sometimes like bands because the band guys are cute
7. You've watched Garden State more times than me
8. You have the most comfortable bed in the world
9. You let me sleep in that most comfortable bed when I visit!
10. You are able to watch Freaks and Geeks for close to 24 hours straight
11. You make really good pasta dishes
12. You try to understand and not judge
13. You play wicked air guitar
14. You sing your own version of the lyrics really loud!
15. You appreciate Starbucks and its healing abilities
16. You appreciate comfortable PJs and their healing abilities
17. You can eat almost as much Indian food as me in one sitting
18. You share your Coldstone, which really means letting me eat most of it but convincing me you ate half so I dont feel bad
19. You jammed three pieces of pizza in your mouth once so we wouldn't have to share with the boys coming over
20. You are always quitting smoking
21. You turn boring nights into crazy memories with one question: "who wants to do shots?!"
22. You get lockdown but always come out better for it
23. You can pull off red hair beautifully
24. You sent me our favorite jeans when mine fell apart
25. You {heart} everything
26. You are a fiercely loyal friend
27. You let me plaster cast you naked in the name of art!
28. You love taco bell at 2am when you've had too much to drink
29. You wish you were Jewish

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I really wish I could be there to celebrate with you.
XOXOX

[Kevin]

Happy birthday! Not that it wasn't already covered by Sandra (29 times, to boot). But there it is for you all the same!

Something about Strawberry Shortcake-clad Solid Gold dancers makes me laugh.

[THE MOTHER]

Happy Birthday my wonderful girl! I have been blessed with a wonderful daughter and friend, and it was sheer joy (most of the time) being there the past 29 years. I am amazed what a wonderful woman you are when I think of all the mistakes I made along the way. Thank goodness for God's grace in our lives!!

[brandon]

happy day!

[evan]

happy birthday my love. though i've only been here for the last year, i cherish each and every one that made you who you are.

[ms. sizzle]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

with that said, i have to point out some similarities (because we are soul internet sisters): my sister and i would do the solid gold dance all the time, sometimes while wearing our strawberry shortcake pjs- i kid you not! my mom was the brownie (and girl scout) troop leader too. my mom brought me flowers when i got my period too. and jasper the pig? well, let's just say i might have to go convincing my little sis that jasper isn't the best name for my future nephew. ;)

i can't wait to meet you and sandra this weekend.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :) sizz

[sandra]

Happy birthday, happy birthday, Happy birthday, happy birthday, Happy birthday, happy birthday, Happy birthday, happy birthday, Happy birthday, happy birthday, Happy birthday, happy birthday, Happy birthday, happy birthday, Happy birthday, happy birthday, Happy birthday, happy birthday, Happy birthday, happy birthday, Happy birthday, happy birthday, Happy birthday, happy birthday, Happy birthday, happy birthday, Happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday!!!! (note: 29 times)