October 6th, 2007

About a year and a half ago, my sister and her husband hired a new graphic designer for their signs and graphics business.  I remember driving in the car with them to the Good Friday service at our church when they told me about him.  He and his brother would be meeting us for the service.  I didn't think anything of it, just that it was great for their business that they had the need for another graphic designer, it meant that the business was going well.  When we got to church I was introduced to their new designer, Evan, and his brother and didn't think anything of that as well. 

A few months later he joined our small group that my sister and brother-in-law started.  A sort of book club/bible study through church.  I found him insightful and kind, but didn't interact with him very much - I did however note that during discussions, we were often times on the same page.

A few weeks after that Evan was recruited to design some wine labels for my friend's bridal shower.  He came up with a design and e-mailed it to me for approval.  We chatted back and forth a bit, I told him I adored the design and that was that.

Until one day he e-mailed me with a proposal.  He told me that he had heard a story on NPR about a long distance friendship between two women that was based on exchanging life stories.  He told me that it was rare that he met someone that he found so intriguing, so interesting and suggested that we exchange stories, over e-mail.  I agreed and so began our friendship.

For a few weeks we exchanged stories from childhood, high school, college, memories that we had of instances in our lives, moments that made an impression.  Eventually, in an e-mail, Evan asked if he could call me.  I agreed and we began speaking on the phone, catching up when we met with our small group and exchanging stories over e-mail.

Soon after that we began spending time together, sometimes just the two of us, sometimes with a mutual friend of ours.  We would see movies, get ice cream, go for walks, play putt-putt.  I introduced him to Stella and Six Feet Under.  He introduced me to the world of comic books and superhero movies.

We began exchanging favorites - favorite books, movies, music...  We found that our tastes were very similar.  We found we had the same basic beliefs.  We found that we were developing a lovely friendship.

One weekend we were discussing our "Ideal Partners".  He had made a list of traits his ideal partner would have and e-mailed it to me, then asked me to reciprocate.  I thought about it and sort of panicked.  Making a list of my ideal partner was not something I took lightly.  It was something I had been thinking about for years and had never had the nerve to put onto paper.  I began to think deeply about where that fear came from and figured out that if I put all of those things on paper, and the right person came along, I would have no excuses.  The list would be there as proof.  I decided that I would instead compile a list of songs that I felt encompassed my idea of an ideal partner, and that Evan would then have to dissect the songs and tell me what he thought they meant to me.

He agreed and I gave him the cd.  I was astonished when he was able to decipher each song perfectly for me.  He knew exactly what the tangle of lyrics and rhythms spoke to me.  Something in my head/heart changed - I realized "wow, he really gets me".  In our conversations about our ideal partners he posed the question "did you measure yourself against my list?" I confessed that I had and he confessed that he had measured himself against my list as well.  In my heart I panicked, I realized that the lists fit perfectly for each of us.

Still unsure of how I was feeling about Evan (I know, I know), we continued with our friendship.  On a drive home from Northern Michigan I called him and realized once I hit the home stretch that we had been talking for almost 4 hours.  Still, I dismissed my heart and convinced myself that he was just a good friend.

He invited me to a charity event late in the summer and I had to decline because I had a date with someone I had recently met.  At this point we had a Sunday night ritual, we would drink wine and watch the episodes leading up to the series finale of Six Feet Under.  The charity event and my date both fell on a Sunday. 

As I spent the afternoon with a man I had just started getting to know and adored, I found my thoughts wandering toward Evan.  On my drive home in the early evening it dawned on me that although I had a lovely time when the person I was with, I was thinking about Evan a good majority of the day.  As I pulled into my driveway and realized it was Sunday night, and that Evan was at the charity function and I would be watching Six Feet Under alone, I felt a sense of sadness.

I believe this was the day I finally faced the feelings that had been developing over the months for Evan, and what that meant to me.  To our friendship.  And started questioning whether he could feel the same for me.

For weeks after we spent even more time together, and I analyzed every look, every word that came my way.  I searched inside myself, prayed and tried to figure out my feelings for Evan.

Eventually a conversation naturally led us to confess that our feelings for each other had gone further than friendship.  We were overwhelmed with excitement when we realized we were on the same page, but cautious for the sake of our friendship.  I did not want to lose him.  I wanted his friendship, his presence in my life always, and I wasn't sure it was worth risking that for us to date.  Evan was equally as cautious and true to both of our personalities we analyzed and thought about the implications of our feelings for days.

That is until one day, while sitting in my back yard, we discussed dating and I finally told him "yeah, ummmm...  we're dating."  And that was it.  Everything began to fall into place.  We began to find our way as a couple and became closer than I have ever been with anyone.  It was all new, all exciting and completely different from anything I've ever experienced.

Months later, around my birthday, we went out one night and when we got back to my house, I was sick.  I ended up falling asleep on the bathroom floor.  At 7am I woke to a voice asking me if I wanted to go to bed.  Groggy, I woke up and realized that Evan was so worried about me, he had camped outside my bathroom door all night.  Something inside me clicked and as I began to realize how selfless, sweet and loving this gesture was, I knew that Evan began to mean more to me than anyone I had ever known.  I realized, that morning, just how much I loved this man, and that I would never again want to be anywhere but near him.

This is the story I will tell our children and grand children when they ask how we met.

Engage
v.  engaged, engaging, engages

- to pledge or promise, especially to marry.
- to become meshed or interlocked.
- to win over or attract.
- to draw into, involve.
- to give or take as security.

Comments

[Mark MacLeod]

I just returned from vacation so I'm late, but Congratulations!

[Katie K.]

Hi... I'm Andra's friend.. we met in Chicago at her bachorlette party. She told me you got engaged an forwarded your blog. I just wanted to tell you I am excited for you and that your story is an encouragement and blessing to me.

[Alissa]

Katie - I think you know, and I think you are just as happy as I am at the way things turned out! ;-)

Neil - thank you! And thanks for making me your blog crush of the day!

Elisabeth - thank you for stopping by and thank you for the French advice!

Jen - Thank you! I was wondering when it would happen too! ;-)

[Jen Matteson]

Congrats, Alissa! I've had so much fun reading about you and Evan--I was wondering when this would happen!!!

[Elisabeth]

Congratulations on the engagement, and thanks for having shared this great love story!

I linked from Neil's "Crush of the Day" link, and also wrote a comment on your post dealing with learning French (I teach French at the college level.)

[Neil]

Yeahhhhhhh! Congrats!

[katie]

Absolutely beautiful story! John and I are so happy for you two. Curious to know who the guy was you ditched Evan and the charity event for...

[Alissa]

Clink - Thank you! I'll post the engagement story next. Oh the suspense!

Jacynth - It is amazing isn't it? Total Ax Murderer :)

Julie - Well, I'm confident that even if our customs were arranged marriages, my parent's would have chosen Evan!

[JDub]

adorable story. so happy for you two!

[julie]

in Thailand, historically our parents would arrange the engagement. Now we are usually free to choose our husband.

[Jacynth]

Woot Woot! Congrats! I'm so excited and happy for you both. It's fantastic to find someone that brings out the best in you, isn't it? LOVE IT!

[Clink]

Congratulations!!!!I'm thrilled. And also, impatient. Can't wait to hear how he proposed.

[Alissa]

Boutros - You must have ESP!

Sizz - Thank you, hopefully our kids won't be bored from telling the story over and over!

Caitlinator - Thank you!

[Caitlinator]

Congratulations to you both. I love how you wrote it without actually saying it. The implications are wonderful.

[ms. sizzle]

i'm all teary over here with joy for you both! this couldn't happen to two more worthy, wonderful people. and that story? it's so perfect. your grandkids will love hearing it. :)

[Boutros]

Could totally see this coming! Congrats! Very touching entry.

[Alissa]

Sandra - Hopefully Evan will wear is cardigan at some point during the wedding weekend!

Karl - Thank you! Evan is definitely my security!

Kevin - Oh, I left out a lot of the REALLY interesting parts :)

Kerri - Thank you for such kind words. We feel truly blessed.

Johnny C. - Believe me, I am the lucky one!

[Johnny C.]

Evan is proof that comic book dorks are capable of hooking it up with radical girls! You give us all hope Evan!

Congratulations!

[kerri]

I think the most beautiful thing about the two of you is that you remind the world that pure, true love is still possible. And that should be an inspiration for everyone in all areas of life.

[Kevin]

YESSSSS!!! Congrats to both of you! And that will definitely make for an... er... "interesting" story to tell the grandkids.

[Karl]

Wow, that's fantastic. Congrats to both of you. I think it's awesome that you're giving and taking as security. ;)

[sandra]

A million congratulations -- I am SOOOOO far beyond excited for the two of you that it's unreal. Evan, I can't imagine anyone else who is more perfect for Alissa -- and Alissa, I'm so happy you found someone who helps make you...well, even more you. I can't wait for the wedding -- or the marriage. xxoo